This week has been long and rough. We are part of a great playgroup and usually there are tons of things to do each week ~ not the case this past week. There was only one thing on the calendar for the week and we weren't able to make it because we were getting our new TV fixed.
Besides me being a little worried about what we would do we had some yucky weather to boot ~ which not only makes Max a little crazy it makes the dog a little crazy....it's like cabin fever super intensified. We started out ok for the beginning of the week and were even able to go outside for a bit while Emma was napping....by Thursday I was starting to feel the tiny threads holding me to sanity starting to fray. Friday was a very hard day. It's like children know exactly what to do drive you absolutely insane. Max is a very bright child and incredibly smart and I swear he lies in bed at night plotting the final demise of my sanity. I try very hard to be a good mom...I don't let him watch alot of TV, I give him structured discipline, we read book and we play with educational toys but I tell you what Friday was a hard day to be a mom.
By the time Saturday rolled around I felt like a volcano....anger just boiling under the surface and it seemed like I could not get it under control no matter what I did. I was able to get out by myself for a few hours in the morning to run a few errands and I thought it would help....it didn't. I am not an aggressive person but I really felt like I could have hurt someone....I just wanted to scream and yell and break something. It is not a good feeling to have that. Especially when you have kids. I finally just took the dog outside (even in the pouring rain) and just ran around with her. Max never did nap, Emma wouldn't nap and the day was just beating me down.
Karl and I just kept telling ourselves that eventually the time would come that they would go to bed for the night. Since neither of them napped they both went to bed early ~ Emma at 5 pm and Max at 6 pm. They both slept like logs all night.
Sometimes I feel like a little piece of me is being ripped away, when you become a mother you no longer have a strong sense of self. I feel like I give, and give, and give and I don't always feel like I get back. I hate how selfish that sounds but sometimes that is just how I feel. My day consists of getting the kids fed, the dog fed, getting the house clean, doing the dishes, the laundry, making dinner, being a wife to my husband, etc...etc...etc. When do I get to be Miranda??? I find myself craving silence and time to just do things I want to do...again I hate how selfish that sounds.
But I get up every day and realize that it's a brand new day. Today the sun is shining and I got to sleep in until 9 am ( thank you to my wonderfully patient husband!) and I feel better. I realize that sometimes I just have to have bad days, just so I can truly appreciate the good days....and there are good day. I am blessed to have a wonderful husband, healthy children, and loving family. I have a roof over my head and food in my belly....the rest is just stuff I have to learn to deal with.
4 comments:
You are the most wonderful child, I am the one who feels blessed to have you as a daughter. You are a strong women, and a supermom. Just remember they grow up right before your eyes, these things don't last for long, you're gonna miss this.
Thanks Mom....I needed that! Love you!
Everyone has those feelings sometimes. Don't waste energy beating yourself up about it.
And if someone tells you they don't have those feelings, they are a liar.
Did I ever tell you I once launched a full plate of chinese food at the dining room wall?
Trust me. You are not alone. I felt EXACTLY the same way you do. It wasn't until I went through this that I realized something... You still have to be the person that Karl fell in love with. Just as HE has to be the same person YOU fell in love with.
Before you had children, what did you like to do? What did he like to do? You couldn't have been together 24/7, so you must have done something.
You both need to schedule "ME" days where he does something HE likes to do, and YOU do something you like to do. And I don't mean things together. What I mean is, if you are a reader, take a day where he is there, or you can get someone for a while. Go get a coffee, sit in a coffee shop and read a GREAT book for a few hours.
Or if you are crafty, start going out on craft nights with your friends. Not every week, just like once a month or something.
This is the only way you are going to hold on to yourself because trust me. I know how you feel. I totally lost my identity for a while, and as of right now... Thank GOD I have this TS business, because it is MY girls night out. AND... I get paid.
(This is not a TS advertisement, just a you need time to yourself too statement)
Get crackin!
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